Understanding the Dichotomy of Control: “What’s in our control”
At the heart of Stoic philosophy lies a simple yet profound truth: the dichotomy of control. In other words, some things are within our control, and others are not. Stoicism, an ancient philosophy centered on cultivating virtue, reason, and inner peace, encourages us to incorporate this principle into our daily virtue models. The Stoics themselves practices it every day – though journaling, reflection, and mental exercises – to ensure they lived by the words of their own philosophy. By reflecting on what we can influence – and accepting what we cannot – we build a steady, resilient mindset that helps us navigate life’s challenges more effectively. Epictetus framed this dichotomy succinctly:
The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters to that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself…”
This concept wasn’t isolated to the famous Epictetus. Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Musonius Rufus, and other Stoics emphasized the importance of understanding control. The Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius (a Stoic – see: Meditations), urged: “You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” Epictetus also points out that although we cannot control external events, “We can control our reaction to them.” From their perspective, understanding what we truly command in life is essential. Our judgements, choices, and attitudes – accepting what lies beyond our reach is the key to inner peace. This clarity empowers us to respond wisely to life uncertainties; to focus on what truly matters, and remain anchored in virtue rather than be ruled by circumstances.
What is Within Our Control
Stoicism emphasizes that we control our internal world – our opinions, desires, aversions, and actions. Again, as Epictetus emphasized, “You have control over your own thoughts and actions, but not over the thoughts and actions of others.” These factors belong solely to us:
- Choices: How we respond to events, choosing patience over anger, perseverance over despair. Aurelius observed, “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts… entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.”
- Effort: The quality of action is allows us to improve ourselves without relying on external validation. Seneca insisted: We have the power to control our own lives, to determine our own happiness and success.”
- Perspective: The way we interpret challenges and reframe difficulties as opportunities for growth rather than threats. Viktor Frankl, a modern thinker influenced by Stoic principles, noted: “When are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
What is Beyond Our Control?
Conversely, external factors – weather, other people’s opinions, even many ordinary outcomes – remain outside our influence. Yelling at a delayed flight or agonizing over someone’s disapproval only generates unnecessary distress. As the Stoic, Epictetus, advised, “The more you seek to control external events, the less control you have over your own life.”
Attempting to dominate the uncontrollable disrupts our inner tranquility. Aurelius reminds us, “Do not waste time on what you cannot control,” and Seneca counsels that real contentment arises from tending to that which we have complete control over.
Internalizing Goals:
To navigate life’s uncertainties, Stoicism proposes internalizing goals. Rather than fixating on external outcomes – like winning a tennis match or gaining social approval – focus on doing your best and refining your actions. As William Irving outlines in, A Guide to the Good Life:
When a Stoic concerns himself with things over which he has some but not complete control, such as winning a tennis match, he will be very careful about the goals he sets for himself. He will be careful to set internal rather than external goals. Thus, his goal in playing tennis will not be to win a match but to play to the best of his ability in the match. By choosing this goal, he will spare himself the frustration or disappointment should he lose the match; since it was not his goal to win the match, he will not have failed to attain his goal.
By defining success as an effort, rather than an outcome, we transform potential setbacks into lessons. This mindset liberates us from the anxiety of unmet expectations and safeguards our peace. In fact, it may be a superior strategy to achieving greater results, too. As Irving further highlights:
If we consciously set winning a tennis match as our goal, we arguable don’t increase our chances of winning that match. In fact, we might even hurt our chances: If it starts looking, early on, as thought we are going to lose the match, we might become flustered, and this might negatively affect our playing in the remainder of the game, thereby hurting our chances at winning… If, on the other hand, we set playing our best in a match as our goal, we arguably don’t lessen our chances of winning the match, but we do lessen our chances of being upset by the outcome of the match.
Practical Steps:
- Triage Your Life: Categorize life’s elements into three groups:
- Complete Control (e.g., your effort, attitudes, and judgements)
- Partial Control (e.g., collaborative projects, some aspects of performance)
- No control (e.g. weather, others’ actions or opinions)
- Focus Your Energy: Invest time where you have the greatest impact – your judgements, choices, and actions – ensuring consistent returns on your energy.
- Use Psychological Tools:
- Reframing Challenges: See setbacks as training opportunities, not personal failures. The stoic, Musonius Rufus, suggests that “The soul is trained for courage when we show patience under hardships.“
- Negative Visualization: Occasionally, it helps to imagine losing something you value. This practice, inspired by Seneca and others, helps you appreciate what we have rather than taking it for granted. This shifts our focus on what we already have – what we control – over what we don’t have.
- Reflect Regularly: Each evening, journal about which frustrations arose from trying to control the uncontrollable. Ask how you can adjust your focus tomorrow.
To learn more about Stoicism, check out Stoic extraordinaire, Ryan Holiday, and his many Stoic inspired books: Stillness Is The Key, The Obstacle Is The Way, Ego Is The Enemy, Courage Is Calling, Right Thing, Right Now, and Discipline Is Destiny.
Ryan Holiday: